I must... I don't know if I do it in everyday conversation, but I just glanced over some posts from Xmas, and saw that I have 2 posts that are very similar. Hmmm.
Speaking of Christmas, I don't know if I shared this little gem. My Father is a smart man. Give him an broken engine and he'll fix it, get it running and painted in the same day. He also has a certian kind of wisdom that I'll never posses. But, when it comes to worldly knowledge, he's rather naive.
On Christmas Morning, he came out into the living room snacking on some bread from the pot-luck dinner before. it was a sweet bread, with a poppyseed filling in the middle. Pretty yum. He walks out and says to me, "Jen, did you know that if you eat this bread with the poppyseeds, and then took a drug test, they'd think you were smoking marijuana?"
o.O
What?
Then I realized... Poppy seeds! As in opiates, the base of opium, heroin... THey'd think you were doing HEROIN. I cracked the eff up! He told me that one of his uncles had told him that the night before. Oh dearest Dad. So wise, and yet so innocent. I then tried to tell him that heroin was terribly addictive awful substance, and that it should NEVER be confused with such a tame substance as pot.
sigh. It hard to parent my parents. :P
30 January 2009
27 January 2009
I would like to have...
1.) A few more jobs with flexible schedules, but high hourly rates.
2.) Another room on my apartment. I REALLY need some designated work space! Its a bitch setting up a project on the kitchen table and then having to clean it up every night, or conversely, scrub up the kitchen table and sweep the crumbs up every time I want to spread out some work. gah! Next apartment 2 BEDROOM.
3.) An organizational system for the closet in the front room. Its getting to be a nightmare in there! Its deep, and there's a crappy Ikea shelf in the back but there's three rubbermaid tubs in front of it rendering it almost useless.
4.) One of those diffusing screens for taking better pictures of prints and things I make. Its so difficult to take photos with good lighting ...
5.) A better system of record-stereo-receiver stackage. The stereo is taking up a LOT of floor space, and it looks so untidy over there. The cat is always knocking things or falling into the gap behind it, which unplugs the speakers or some other annoyance.
and I'm sure there's more. These are the things that have been rattling around in the back of my head lately, inflating all the other more immediate stresses. Soon as I have steady income I'll be able to get to work on these.
2.) Another room on my apartment. I REALLY need some designated work space! Its a bitch setting up a project on the kitchen table and then having to clean it up every night, or conversely, scrub up the kitchen table and sweep the crumbs up every time I want to spread out some work. gah! Next apartment 2 BEDROOM.
3.) An organizational system for the closet in the front room. Its getting to be a nightmare in there! Its deep, and there's a crappy Ikea shelf in the back but there's three rubbermaid tubs in front of it rendering it almost useless.
4.) One of those diffusing screens for taking better pictures of prints and things I make. Its so difficult to take photos with good lighting ...
5.) A better system of record-stereo-receiver stackage. The stereo is taking up a LOT of floor space, and it looks so untidy over there. The cat is always knocking things or falling into the gap behind it, which unplugs the speakers or some other annoyance.
and I'm sure there's more. These are the things that have been rattling around in the back of my head lately, inflating all the other more immediate stresses. Soon as I have steady income I'll be able to get to work on these.
15 January 2009
Action/Abstraction at the St. louis Museum of Art
Sunday, I attended the Action/Abstraction show and the Art Museum with Audra. She had free passes and strangely, couldn't find anybody to go with her! I jumped at that since I love abstract expressionism and free things. Plus, I hadn't been to the art museum yet. The show was pretty good, many pieces I've seen before. The audio tour was awful. It was mainly about the two critics responsible for promoting the abstractions of deKooning, Jasper Johns, and Pollock, and how they feuded, ignored artists of color and women, and were basically asshole who did more harm than good.
The other weird thing about the audio tour I found to be grossly inappropriate was the narrators descriptions of some of the pieces. While listening to the commentary about a Norman Lewis painting, Twilight Sound, the narrator began to lead the listener to "the upper right hand corner, where you'll see an image of a face."
It actually took me aback a little, to hear this on an audiotour. Abstract expressionism is meant to evoke the viewer's imaginative and emotional responses on an individual basis. How dare these narrators think its necessary to guide my mind's eye this way? I was very disappointed and did not listen to the remainder of the audiotour.
The rest of the show was good though. I could have used more factual info about the artists and their lives, and less about the damn critics fighting over the art. A Mark Rothko painting was hung prominently in the third room, which brought me much joy as Mark Rothko is one of my favorite artists. Several of the Ad Reinhardt painting also made me very happy and I enjoyed studying them very much.
I hope to return to the museum soon, because one of their permanent exhibits is a Mummy! YES. I haven't seen a Mummy since King Tut came to the Museum of Natural history in NY. Mummies will always be cool, just like dinosaurs!
The other weird thing about the audio tour I found to be grossly inappropriate was the narrators descriptions of some of the pieces. While listening to the commentary about a Norman Lewis painting, Twilight Sound, the narrator began to lead the listener to "the upper right hand corner, where you'll see an image of a face."
It actually took me aback a little, to hear this on an audiotour. Abstract expressionism is meant to evoke the viewer's imaginative and emotional responses on an individual basis. How dare these narrators think its necessary to guide my mind's eye this way? I was very disappointed and did not listen to the remainder of the audiotour.
The rest of the show was good though. I could have used more factual info about the artists and their lives, and less about the damn critics fighting over the art. A Mark Rothko painting was hung prominently in the third room, which brought me much joy as Mark Rothko is one of my favorite artists. Several of the Ad Reinhardt painting also made me very happy and I enjoyed studying them very much.
I hope to return to the museum soon, because one of their permanent exhibits is a Mummy! YES. I haven't seen a Mummy since King Tut came to the Museum of Natural history in NY. Mummies will always be cool, just like dinosaurs!
07 January 2009
A Day Off from Life
Geh. I'm in one of those blue moods again. Slowly fading to a black mood. I'm having such a hard time, and I don't know why because things have been worse in my life. So on top of having a hard time, I start beating myself up because I'm letting the hard times get to me which makes the times even harder!!!! AARRGH.
I didn't want to get out of bed today, but I had to because Firebrat was pissing me off and my neck was getting stiff. I want to sleep off the next four months so I can just wake up and move somewhere else.
I tried so hard to be productive yesterday. It difficult when lucky;s moping around not doing anything. Then I don't want to do anything either. He can be the most wonderful man, but when he sits around the house not doing anything, it sucks the motivation right out of me.
Later on I went to the knitting group Stacey and Josie, my apartment-building-mates organized, and tho it was fun, I felt SO out of place. I don't know why really. The girls were all super nice, Lisa our host has a very comfortable and pretty apartment, there was punch and cookies, and I showed Josie how to knit and helped Lisa with her technique. But I felt so incredibly self-conscious. I started noticing each little spot on my jeans, and noticing the stray string hang out of the cuff, and then noticing how dirty my boots were and then thinking, gods my hair is probably all over the place because I don't know how to style it. I started comparing myself and my wardrobe to what the other were wearing and doing and found myself lacking. My self confidence took a nose dive, and when i got home, I cried about it!
What the hell is that about??? I've never had self-image issues. I even saw a photo from New Year's Eve of me and Lucky. I was smiling and I look maniacal or something! My face is full of lines, my eyes are all squished up and I look short and fat. Wholly unflattering and so disappointing. I don't like the way I look anymore.
When i came home and got upset about as I lay in bed trying to get to sleep, I started thinking about Chicago, and Jessi, and Chrissie and my lovely little apartment there, and the garden, and our nice neighbors and I realized, its gone forever. I'll never get that little paradise back! I miss it so much. I miss tromping through the garden in 2 feet of snow with Maisy, and seeing Jessi's little notes inthe snow to Patrick. I miss the garden at every stage. I miss the view across 5 backyards form our kitchen window. I miss the big picture window in the living room. I miss the sound of the front gate slamming. I miss hearing Maisy bark wherever someone rang the bell. I miss seeing Charlie or Firebrat all hidden under the hosta in the gangway. I miss Saul, and Emily next door. I also miss Elliot and Natalie. I miss Mr. Meers. I miss being walking distance from everything I needed. I miss Chicago so damn much, I couldn't get out of bed this morning, because I just wanted Saint Louis to disappear.
Now, I'm here. I said I'd give it a year. Its been eight months. The only thing I would miss from here is teaching at Firecracker Press. That's a good opportunity. I have no close friends and can't seem to connect anyone. There's no work here, and I've sent HUNDREDS of resumes.
But what else will I do? Move back to Chicago under the false premise that things will go back to being as nice as they were? That's foolish. Would I move to some other town in hopes that it would work better? That's also foolish. So I stay here and be miserable for a while until the misery just becomes normal and I get used to functioning in that manner. Just like all the other numb people in this place.
I didn't want to get out of bed today, but I had to because Firebrat was pissing me off and my neck was getting stiff. I want to sleep off the next four months so I can just wake up and move somewhere else.
I tried so hard to be productive yesterday. It difficult when lucky;s moping around not doing anything. Then I don't want to do anything either. He can be the most wonderful man, but when he sits around the house not doing anything, it sucks the motivation right out of me.
Later on I went to the knitting group Stacey and Josie, my apartment-building-mates organized, and tho it was fun, I felt SO out of place. I don't know why really. The girls were all super nice, Lisa our host has a very comfortable and pretty apartment, there was punch and cookies, and I showed Josie how to knit and helped Lisa with her technique. But I felt so incredibly self-conscious. I started noticing each little spot on my jeans, and noticing the stray string hang out of the cuff, and then noticing how dirty my boots were and then thinking, gods my hair is probably all over the place because I don't know how to style it. I started comparing myself and my wardrobe to what the other were wearing and doing and found myself lacking. My self confidence took a nose dive, and when i got home, I cried about it!
What the hell is that about??? I've never had self-image issues. I even saw a photo from New Year's Eve of me and Lucky. I was smiling and I look maniacal or something! My face is full of lines, my eyes are all squished up and I look short and fat. Wholly unflattering and so disappointing. I don't like the way I look anymore.
When i came home and got upset about as I lay in bed trying to get to sleep, I started thinking about Chicago, and Jessi, and Chrissie and my lovely little apartment there, and the garden, and our nice neighbors and I realized, its gone forever. I'll never get that little paradise back! I miss it so much. I miss tromping through the garden in 2 feet of snow with Maisy, and seeing Jessi's little notes inthe snow to Patrick. I miss the garden at every stage. I miss the view across 5 backyards form our kitchen window. I miss the big picture window in the living room. I miss the sound of the front gate slamming. I miss hearing Maisy bark wherever someone rang the bell. I miss seeing Charlie or Firebrat all hidden under the hosta in the gangway. I miss Saul, and Emily next door. I also miss Elliot and Natalie. I miss Mr. Meers. I miss being walking distance from everything I needed. I miss Chicago so damn much, I couldn't get out of bed this morning, because I just wanted Saint Louis to disappear.
Now, I'm here. I said I'd give it a year. Its been eight months. The only thing I would miss from here is teaching at Firecracker Press. That's a good opportunity. I have no close friends and can't seem to connect anyone. There's no work here, and I've sent HUNDREDS of resumes.
But what else will I do? Move back to Chicago under the false premise that things will go back to being as nice as they were? That's foolish. Would I move to some other town in hopes that it would work better? That's also foolish. So I stay here and be miserable for a while until the misery just becomes normal and I get used to functioning in that manner. Just like all the other numb people in this place.
06 January 2009
Jobs Hunting SUCKS.
Ugh. Jobs. Why can't I find a job in this town? I'm getting super nervous now... We had to bring our foster Parrot Peanut back to STAR Avian Rescue because we're not sure if we'll even be able to keep our apartment at this rate. That's very nerve wracking!
Yesterday I went to the Humane Society on Macklind and dropped off my 3rd application there. I got the tip from the gal at the reception desk to "Call them. Then call again. Then keep calling, and keep calling. And maybe next month someone will return your call." Great. I already feel like I harassed Knitorious to give me some hours, and they haven't called me in like, 2 weeks. That makes me sad! I really like it there. Ah well, I'll keep calling.
Also dropped a resume and filled out an application at Screen Burst Graphics in Soulard. Screen printing job, for which I posess minimal experience, but have enjoyed doing in the past and could definitely get back up to speed with. Screenprinting is pretty awesome. I hope I get that job!
Where else? Oh, a doggie boutique on Clayton, but I stopped in right as she was closing and she was very busy with those tasks so I should call her again and remind her about the resume I left with her.
And a ton of other places that are all blurring together now. But, I'm more and more realizing that its not that there's something wrong with me, its the market for jobs in this area that's so bad.
oh dag, Charlie Pinetti just walked out here with a ball of gold yarn in his mouth. Actually, its now stretched out the length of the apartment; I hope he didn't swallow any of it. Geh! that cat. He's got a whole bucket of stringy toys and he INSISTS on eating the most expensive and prettiest of my yarn! Feh.
Gotta go clean up the tangle... Oh! and I applied at a bakery over in Shaw, by Tower Grove Park called SweetArt where I'd REALLY like to work. Check them out!
Yesterday I went to the Humane Society on Macklind and dropped off my 3rd application there. I got the tip from the gal at the reception desk to "Call them. Then call again. Then keep calling, and keep calling. And maybe next month someone will return your call." Great. I already feel like I harassed Knitorious to give me some hours, and they haven't called me in like, 2 weeks. That makes me sad! I really like it there. Ah well, I'll keep calling.
Also dropped a resume and filled out an application at Screen Burst Graphics in Soulard. Screen printing job, for which I posess minimal experience, but have enjoyed doing in the past and could definitely get back up to speed with. Screenprinting is pretty awesome. I hope I get that job!
Where else? Oh, a doggie boutique on Clayton, but I stopped in right as she was closing and she was very busy with those tasks so I should call her again and remind her about the resume I left with her.
And a ton of other places that are all blurring together now. But, I'm more and more realizing that its not that there's something wrong with me, its the market for jobs in this area that's so bad.
oh dag, Charlie Pinetti just walked out here with a ball of gold yarn in his mouth. Actually, its now stretched out the length of the apartment; I hope he didn't swallow any of it. Geh! that cat. He's got a whole bucket of stringy toys and he INSISTS on eating the most expensive and prettiest of my yarn! Feh.
Gotta go clean up the tangle... Oh! and I applied at a bakery over in Shaw, by Tower Grove Park called SweetArt where I'd REALLY like to work. Check them out!
01 January 2009
Happy New Year!
Another year gone. Sheesh. Its 2009 today. That means I will turn 29 in five months. When i was a kid, I started counting down to my birthday right about now. May is a good time for a birthday, it spaces out the receiving of gifts quite nicely. :)
Someone said to me the other day "Whatever you do on New Year's Day you do for the rest of the year!" If that's the case, I should be excercising, riding my bike, writing letters, cleaning the house and eating more raw veggies.
So far today, I've woken up beofre 8 am, showered, made love(twice actually), eaten a good breakfast, had 2 glasses of water, wrote in this here weblog, and paid attention to my Etsy store AND Lock and Key's weblog. That's good right? I do really want to keep up these entries. Whether or not its valuable or important, it gets me to write, helps me to feel that I have accomplished a task I set my mind to today. Little things like that help to motivate me.
For the rest of the year, I do think that I need to really continue the momentum I've gained in certian areas, like printing, and being businessy. I also need to really push myself to make some friends, and leave the house more often.
Right now, I' am going to go re-shower because I'm getting a head ache and really would like to just hang out in the hot water. And then I want to do something fun...
Someone said to me the other day "Whatever you do on New Year's Day you do for the rest of the year!" If that's the case, I should be excercising, riding my bike, writing letters, cleaning the house and eating more raw veggies.
So far today, I've woken up beofre 8 am, showered, made love(twice actually), eaten a good breakfast, had 2 glasses of water, wrote in this here weblog, and paid attention to my Etsy store AND Lock and Key's weblog. That's good right? I do really want to keep up these entries. Whether or not its valuable or important, it gets me to write, helps me to feel that I have accomplished a task I set my mind to today. Little things like that help to motivate me.
For the rest of the year, I do think that I need to really continue the momentum I've gained in certian areas, like printing, and being businessy. I also need to really push myself to make some friends, and leave the house more often.
Right now, I' am going to go re-shower because I'm getting a head ache and really would like to just hang out in the hot water. And then I want to do something fun...
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